The fallacy of man

A little bit of the past is forgotten.
A little bit of the future is now certain.

All of the doubters have been disproven.
All of the critics are now silent.

Nothing. A familiar feeling. A welcome feeling. Silence. No regret about the past, no worry for the future. Peace. I feel as if am living in a dream. It is times like this when i question whether i can take any credit for anything i have achieved up to now. When i think back, i have never really been worried about the future. Is it because i am supremely confident in myself? Or is it because i have always felt a certain calling? Sometimes i feel like i have no hand in it myself. All i have is this vague… "dream" of the future. I am unsure how to describe it, or whether dream is the best word for it, but i’ve had this dream for as long as i can remember. And everything that happens feels like part of this dream. Perhaps this is what they call fate.

Or perhaps someday i will simply wake up from this dream.

I have never hated my fate. Not once have i despised it, or cursed it. It was always right in front of me, like the most natural thing in the world…

Revulsion is instinctual, and instinct is a powerful level to work toward; to evoke it, a glorious accomplishment. Revulsion is a striking color on my palette. I see wonderment in your dead eyes; you long to wield such power as deftly as I.

Never underestimate the power of denial. The human mind is a wonderful thing. It does not see what it does not want to see. What does it not want to see? Itself. Its own weakness. As if not seeing means it does not exist.

It is a most useful tool. As is fire. I use it often, to remove distractions which are unneeded at a certain point in time. I do it knowing the consequences. The mind never completely forgets the truth, no matter how good it is at lying to itself. I consider it a loan of sanity, with heavy interests which i am willing to pay in the future.

Humans are all guilty of denial. Most however do it subconsciously. They do not realize the consequences. Only a fool would doubt the usefulness of fire. And only a fool would doubt its hazards.

"Why does my life suck? I did everything right!"

No. No you did not. You are the product of your history. Your past choices affect you for the rest of your life. Perhaps you made a mistake somewhere along the way? But no, you did everything right. Perhaps you are living in denial? But of course, you know yourself best. You really do. Blame it on someone else. Blame it on luck even.

Denial of denial.

Seeing is believing. Certainly you cannot believe what you cannot see.

Have you ever observed a cat? It is picky, it judges with great intuition; it may favor a complete stranger over its lifelong owner. It gets along with many other cats just fine, but simply cannot tolerate the sight of another.

It is the embodiment of free will. It will not willingly go for walks on a leash, no matter how well "trained". It approaches you completely on its own terms and then turns away just as nonchalantly. Many a time, persuasion requires some form of bribery, usually food or a toy, but sometimes some also some sweet words. Even those might be futile if it senses some ulterior motive.

It answers to no mortal. Live with it long enough, and you will answer to it. It gets what it wants, or you will have to pay. "Your cat does not live with you. You live with your cat."

It is unfortunate that people do not appreciate such win.

Prophetic that turned out to be. It was a while since i spyed such a blue sky. Or felt the warmth of the sun. But i remember a brief, chilly breeze. Would it be heresy if i curse the weather? Regardless, i do it all the time.

It matters not. It changes naught.

Rest in peace. Certainly, you are in a better place. Perhaps we will meet again. And i will never push you away then.

And you. Purple looks good on you. Smile. Live.

You know what they tell you about hard work? Key to success and all that? Lies. Damnable lies. But of course, i never speak without solid evidence to back up my claims. From personal experience, no less.

Today i willingly went outside for the first time in many moons. The weather was extremely favorable. Unfortunately other people thought so as well, and there were people everywhere. Disgusting. If there is one thing to like about winter, it is the lack of people happily walking around outside to enjoy the weather. Ah, but i digress.

Back to my original story. As usual, i had a clear goal, a task to accomplish when i left the house. I wanted to take pictures of birds. So i walked all the way to the park, where i came across a horde of humans. Trying my best to ignore the pests, i focused my attention on sneaking up to an unsuspecting bird. Unfortunately, i never came across such a bird. They all seemed to be just as suspicious as i am. As soon as i got close enough to take a good shot, they flew away. This flight and seek continued for an hour (yes, an hour of effort).

Exhausted and demoralized (mostly mentally exhausted from Effort), i sat down on a bench to plan my next move. Five minutes later, a single bird comes right up to my feet. Within 10 minutes, i had a flock of birds at my feet. They looked at me hungrily. Perhaps they wanted to eat me because they were starving from the crappy winter. But of course, farhan knows no fear of small birds and other similarly harmless creatures. Gathering the last of my strength, i pulled out my camera and started shooting away. The birds, perhaps mistaking my camera for a gun of some sort, flew away after a long, tense standoff during which i managed to get some very nice pictures.

So as i have proven beyond unreasonable doubt, effort is a waste of time. Just sit on the bench and wait for the birds to come attack you.

They were out to get me. I know they were.

I cannot remember her face. But she is beautiful.

Transient.

I cannot remember her name. But it has a nice ring to it.

Fleeting.

She is not someone i know. Not someone i have seen. Not someone i have met.

Evanescent.

And yet it bothers me so. Everything else is as clear as day. I do not like it. I do not like it at all.

Ephemeral.

I get extremely annoyed when people i may need to communicate with are not constantly online. Why have a computer if you want to have a life? I am always at my fucking computer, everyone else should be too. Except when i am not, then they can all go have lives.

If your life has not been all you have hoped for lately, here is something that is sure to cheer you up: My life has been great. I have been sitting here for an hour thinking about something to complain about, and all i could come up with was the above. What seemed like a potential downer back then now seems like a blessing. The kicker is, this happens every time. Life is good. I guess someone really likes me. I am sure the joy and happiness emanating from my being has illuminated your miserable existence. Your life now feels much better by comparison. As always, I live up to my name.

Oh, and 79 is the number of steps from the basement to the 5th floor.