The fallacy of man

In response to the public outcry following my farticle titled Bumming Around, i have decided to make once in a lifetime public apology. The outrage expressed by the general public is completely understandable and i deeply regret my error. Many parents were complaining about me teaching their kids wrong things.

When i gave examples of how to use the word "bum crumb", it turns out that i made a redundancy error in one of the example sentences:

Aroon is a bum crumb.

It is glaringly obvious that "Aroon" directly translates to "bum crumb" in the Farhanic language, the future language of the world. So saying that is just like saying:

Bum crumb is a bum crumb.

Which is obviously redundant. While redundancy is a good thing in computer systems, it’s useless in language. I deeply regret my mistake, and i will make sure such carelessness does not happen on my part ever again. So don’t hate me anymore. Learn from my messages of love and peace.

Monday, June 20, 2005

After battling with the dreadful disease for nearly 2 weeks, a Malaysian scientist wannabe discovered an unlikely cure for the common cough. Farhan, who would only reveal his first name fearing that drug companies would have him shot, discovered that eating 5 chocolate chip cookies in 1 minute cured his coughing fit instantly. Why 5? Why not 3? Or 7? Or 6? Or 2? Or 9? Or 8? Or 14? Or 65536? Surely all those numbers are better than 5? "No," he responds with his trademark sorry excuse for a smile, "because 5 is the number of fingers most of us have. On a single hand." An beautiful answer too deep for a shallow fool as myself to even begin to understand, but i’m sure you lot will never figure it out either.

Indeed, it was a glorious day for people who were ill, and it was worrying news for doctors, wannabe doctors, pharmaceutical companies, and wannabe pharmaceutical companies everywhere in the world (worldwide). This represented a further dent in their income, although not quite as large as when Farhan discovered an (also) unlikely cure for the common cold. Two years ago, Farhan discovered that eating ice cream cured the common cold almost instantly.

When asked about how he felt about his latest discovery, Farhan only smiled and said, "I dedicate this discovery to my sister, who is currently a wannabe doctor. By the time you graduate, your profession will be obsolete thanks to me, sis!"

Farhan is currently working on a cure for laziness. If When he once again makes a great breakthrough, it could will change our perception about everything.

Today i learned a new noun: bum crumb

It is used as such:

You are a bum crumb.

Or,

Aroon is a bum crumb.

The 2nd example is a bit more logically accurate than the previous example although they are both grammatically correct. And logically sound. If your name is Aroon, don’t worry, it’s nothing personal. It’s just that the probability of my random name generator generating such a name is 100%.

The meaning of the new word(s)? It is intuitively obvious. (Look in the mirror).

Ok so were there any morons who actually waited to see if there were any updates on my "reality blog"? I bet there were. Yup, it’s all over your face. I even heard rumors that there were some morons who wanted to register on friendster just to reply to my blog to show their support. I am touched by such sincerity, truly. But it is better that such people just go home and touch themselves because no one else will.

I also heard some rumors about some people who wanted to sign up just to flame me. What have i done to offend you that much? Have i ever called your mother a

w _ _ _ _?

Oh look, i can see you are thinking bad thoughts again. Such things would never cross my mind. The only word i can think of to fill in the blanks with is "woman". Oh, what did you think it was? I bet you can think of at least 3 other vile words to fill in the blanks with. Sigh. The corruption of the human mind. See the truth is, you are offending your own mom, then you are blaming it on me. Convenient, isn’t it, putting the guilt on someone else. But it’s ok. I will bear the burden of your guilt, as i have no heart to see you suffer more than you should.

Ah, such kindness i show, and yet people still hate me. But it’s ok.

If they cannot love me, then they shall have to fear me.

I just opened the fridge and realized that my food rations are down to a single chocolate chip cookie. 20 more hours to go before my next scheduled room exit. How will i survive this ordeal? Will i survive the greatest challenge in my whole 10 years of living? (the 10 other years were spent bumming around). Time will tell. Stay tuned for updates on my condition. I will try to make this a "reality blog" for the next 20 hours. (Hopefully it will be lame enough to qualify as a reality blog.)

i have never, not once in my entire life, met a woman who is fat and good looking. It’s just not possible, it’s illogical. It’s like finding a gay Klingon.

-spanker, lowyat.net forums.

The guy did make some comment about fat girls which i thought was rather insensitive, so i deleted it just in case it offended anyone. Indeed, i am such a considerate person.

When i was at UIUC i met a girl, whom i was quite attracted to. Obviously dealing with girls is not something i am good at, they do not have any discreet FSM* states. Women are analog, i am digital, so to speak. And as any computer engineer will tell you, converting between analog signals and digital signals is not exactly the easiest thing to do. There are a lot of issues dealing with accuracy, and some detail may be lost during the conversion.

Ok back to the original topic… where the hell was i…. yes… this girl… well as i was considering enhancing the communication channel between her and myself, suddenly i notice a slight disturbance in the communication frequency. Oh no, she was DRM* protected. So there was no way i could get her without using some kind of hack. (In lame-man’s terms, she had a boyfriend). Being a person who respects such copy-protection schemes, i did not attempt attempt the download at all. In fact, i even closed my download program.

Wow what the hell was that. I can’t help it i guess, it is 4am and i have not slept in a long time. I shall continue in lame-man’s terms from this byte henceforth. Basically she had a boyfriend (who was my friend) so i decided to keep my distance. And i succeeded at that. I never saw the girl again after that weekend. It was the day after i last saw her that i discovered that my friend wasn’t her boyfriend and that she was single. I felt like a microwaved DVD. A burnt coaster. I presumed too much. Oh well, it is too late now. There’s no way to bring back a microwaved DVD. It’s scarred for life.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
- Papa Roach, Scars

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FSM = Finite State Machine. If you don’t know what this is, google is your friend. But i’m not.

DRM = Digital Rights Management. As above. google. And wallow in your ignorance.

Click here to pheel t3h phatness!

ROFL that was the best laugh i’ve had in a long time.

Just 10 minutes ago as i put on my music and began to study, as usual something came up to fuck up my plans. About 2 minutes into studying, the song Someday by New Radicals pops up. Ah… Nice old song. Or so i thought. 50 seconds into the song, the lyrics just punch my in the face.

Someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you

No, i wasn’t being sentimental (ok, maybe i was a little bit, look fwd to my next blog to find out! Hahaha bet you bought that). Look carefully at those lines. Can’t you see the glaring mistake? Can’t you see the abomination against intelligence and science? No? I didn’t expect you to anyway. Well here are the exact lines that piss me off:

Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue

What do you say when you get punched in the face? That’s right: ZOMFGWTF*? That’s exactly what i thought when i heard those lines. Ok, since i didn’t know exactly when the song was released, i decided to check. I mean, who knows, it could have been released 2000 years ago…. with the digital remastering power of today, very recently i’ve even heard claims like "Makes your MP3s sound better than audio CDs!". So you never know. You never know.

Turns out it was released on October 20th, 1998. Now that by itself is not an important date at all. But the fact that i am about to reveal will change your perception of that date, and maybe even the month of October forever. My birthday is on October 21st (no, not 31st as i thought for 10 years of my life). See why i’m so upset now? No?

Well as i’ve said before. You never know.

The fact is, we’ve all known why the sky is blue since the late 18 hundreds when Tyndall and Rayleigh discovered the effect of light scattering through small particles. Read this article, it’s good for n00bs like you: Why is the Sky Blue? That website also contains answers to the questions about why the ocean is salty, why is metal shiny, and all the things i once thought all people knew. Once again the human race has disappointed me. I have a dreadful feeling that i will be disappointed again in the near future.

But you…. you just never know.

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Help for acronym intolerant retards people morons:

*ZOMFGWTF = Oh My Fucking God What The Fuck. The ‘Z’ is silent. Just STFU** and take my word for it.

**STFU = Shut The Fuck Up.

Someone in a tech forum asked:

Hope someone can help me with this. Im trying to find a cable that converts a vga cable(red and white) so that it can go into audio jack on the sound card. Anyway know where i can find this cable?

Wow. But wait, this is the reply:

Only LSD cables can do that.

ROTFFLMAO*. If you didn’t get the joke, it’s NOT fine, but i cannot do anything about your glaring ignorance. Except maybe try to heducate you a bit. Try is the keyword.

What the loser really meant was a RCA to minijack converter. You can’t convert video signals (VGA) into audio signals without some LSD.

Did that confuse you even more? I bet the only word you understood before i even heducated you was LSD. Are you hearing all this?

Whatever. Just be thankful that i have allowed you to bask in my geeky glory.

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*Translations for losers non-geeks:

ROTFFLMAO = Rolling On The Fucking Floor Laughing My Ass Off